the joy of other-focus

A picture came up on our “family and pets photos” slideshow today that caught my eye, because a) it was a smiling man and two dogs, none of whom looked familiar; and b) it had text super-imposed on the picture. I scrolled through the entire album which was listed as the source for the slideshow (2000+ pics) and didn’t find it.

So I’ll describe it: A man is squatting with his arms around his two dogs, with the text “They are continually trying to win my affection, and I theirs. What a joyous relationship!”

Taken at face value, this is a lovely celebration of the bond between people and their beloved pets. But doesn’t this represent the simple concept at the heart of all successful relationships?

When we each take full responsibility for the relationship, always seeking to learn how to know and satisfy the other, joy is the inevitable result. Only in that environment can jealousy and self-seeking be silenced. This is at the heart of ” love your neighbor as yourself”.

If we could only let go of our obsession with our own desires and our continual–and continually misguided–attempts to manipulate our environment and those in it to gain our notion of satisfaction, what might be the result?

Jesus observes simply that it is better to give than to receive. He didn’t say that because he was better or nicer than you and I…it’s because he is smarter. He can see more than our narrow focus allows. He sees through our public masks and recognizes our desperate need for acceptance.  We cry out for him to validate our self-concept, to declare worth and value over this sense of who we are that we’ve cobbled together from our feelings and desires and opinions. But he declines. 

The author of life molded and chose you in a place where limits do not exist, for an eternal purpose that transcends time and space. He will not acknowledge a lesser identity, nor agree with your limited view.  Instead he presents an alternative: he offers us a daily choice to agree with him.

Jesus is not conflicted about who he is, or about who you are. He does not live with regrets or unmet desires, and he does not intend for you to be burdened by them either. His solution doesn’t involve more effective methods to satisfy those perceived desires, though…rather he insists on altering our perception entirely. We must exchange our standard of ‘valuable’ for his. 

We reveal the value we place on something by what we are willing to give in exchange for it, and the lengths we will go to defend or retain it.  God proved that he valued the purpose and provision which he invested in you by giving his only son as  a fair exchange. Jesus willingly laid down his life on this earth–a life every bit as rich and complex as yours or mine–in order to free you and I from the limits of our opinions. They saw something more, so they gave.

But let’s not leave it with a bereft Father and a suffering servant. Jesus is not still on the cross or in the tomb, and the Father doesn’t stare broken- hearted at an empty seat beside him.  As a direct result of giving all he had on behalf of largely unappreciative others, Jesus has been crowned as undisputed King of everything that is seen and all that is not seen. The Father has received back to himself his son, completed, magnified, forever. Their joy illuminates heaven.

Wisdom is shown by its fruit. Jesus has shown that he is in fact smarter than us. His methods of serving the real needs of people, preferring them and denying himself, have proven effective by any standard:

• Those he served were comforted, encouraged, and elevated…drawn into a more genuine  experience of life; and
• He himself was blessed and honored.

Do you see the connection with the photo I described earlier? The man was saying, in effect, “Day by day and moment by moment, I exert myself to learn what my companions desire and need, and commit myself to meeting those needs. I don’t concern myself with what they should do for me.” And he observes that his companions are similarly occupied, devoted to earning his affection, first and foremost. 

The common view in today’s self-centered world is that this arrangement would result in disappointed and frustrated people.  We are convinced that their experience of life would be either as one crushed and oppressed by the will of another, or saint-like, willingly bearing suffering, perhaps as one’s due for failure or weakness.

But what is the actual result as recorded both in our picture and in heaven? “What a joyous relationship!” 

Pet your dog. Serve your companion. Offer mercy. Live joyfully!